Filmy....So Fucking Filmy....

"It seemed just like something out of a movie.... You know....
Those old cliched deathbed scenes....
She made me hold her hands...And make a promise....
On her.... On my memories of her...
I guess being brought up in a world so centered around the world of films the lines between reality and make believe grow dim....
Filmy..
So Fucking Filmy...


So I held her hand...
And I made the promise...
I had no other choice did I...
I mean She was dying....And well....
It was her last wish....I had to.....
So I played my role... An actor in this macabre scene...
Filmy....
So fucking filmy...


I think sometimes that this may all be some cosmic joke...
The timing of this bad news and time....
All governed by some unknown force...
Just when things seem great...
I've got my job... Things seem to be becoming stable for the family...
Happiness creeping back into our lives....
The tragedy strikes...
Filmy....
So Fucking filmy...


And the promise I made?
The sacred vow I made on her deathbed to keep?
Was it a fading light's last attempt to do some good??
Or was it maybe a promise to look after those who were left behind??
No....Nothing of that sort....That'd be too normal...
No....It had to be over the top....It had to be this...
A vow "To reveal the hidden truth at last"!!!
A vow "to unveil the dark secrets kept hidden so long".....
Had to be so didn't it???
Filmy....
So fucking filmy...


Even after she passes away I'm not overtaken by grief...
I mean i feel the loss....But it doesn't over take me....
I am sad....But I don't feel the need to cry and lament....
But even so...
I can't stop the tears rolling down my face....
I can't stop my self from screaming at her funeral...
I can't stop the self pity and cries I don't really feel...
I'm just a player now....Like an actor in another scene....
Filmy...
So Fucking filmy...


A quest for revenge and justice...
Well at this point I guess it's mandatory for it to follow...
The villain must be sought out....
Misdeeds and wrongs righted....
Sigh..
I'm tired...
All I really want to do is get on with my life...
But...I don't have a choice do I....
So...I will fight...And I guess...
I will win...
Filmy....
So Fucking Filmy.... "

*Click*
*beep*

|| Stopped||
||Play back will resume from this point when played||

To be continued.....

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Filmy isn't it...
So Fucking filmy....

War Chronicles II - The Guardian Angel...

The Guardian Angel

Every night the same story,
Every day the same fog,
This war drags on and on with no end in sight,
As the soldiers caught inbetween,grow ever tired of this fight......

Every night a change in position,
Every day a false alarm,
The planes continue to fly over head,looking for a target,
We continue to try to stay hidden, running away from false hatred!

Yet my luck continues to amaze me,
How we continue to remain free,
Trapped behind enemy lines,
I start to feel like you have been present at all times.....

I remember when I got my first story,
That suicide blast on that black day in history,
Something compelled me to get off that train,
A gap of few seconds and my whole life could have been in vain....

I spoke to you that night,
When i got home after all that anarchy in sight,
You told me you were thinking of me at that moment,
That you sensed something was going to happen.....

Even after you passed away,
You seemed to affect me in many little ways,
Was it you or some freak luck I don't care,
Cause even if it wasn't you, this little lie keeps me going everyday....


Alone, A lone reporter among soldiers,
Alone, A lone woman among men,
Alone, among men of steel, I stand the only one not afraid of this war,
Cause I know I have you, My Guardian Angel, looking after me thus far....

-Aiman

____________________________________________________________________

War and Peace......

"Before the bombs start to fall again...
I have a few minutes in seclusion which i shall dedicate to writing to my near and dear ones.....
Who knows when the next opportunity may arise....
Who knows if i ever may get a chance to say the things to them that should never be left unsaid....
In the shadow of the night.....
As the explosions shake us to our very core ...
Dark thoughts arise....
But every night we make it through....
We grow closer to the end....
Maybe the enemy will give up and leave us alone.....
But to give into complacency would be the end....
For in war there is no defeat....
Only the symphony of victory....
Or the silence of death!!!"

What Condition My Condition Was In.....

Sigh....

I seem to be going through the equivalent of Menopause or whatever u women get....
Mood swings and wat not...
I hate this...
Chemical Locha as one of my friends put it....
Actually i did but ya.....Whateva...

This place is a bundle of contradictions....
One sec u could be fighting and out to kill a guy...
Next sec that guy comes and acts like ur best friend....
go figure....

I dunno really sumtimes wat to expect and think anymore...
The expression numb comes to mind....
But ya....
thats like a few stages behind me....


weird.....Messsed up....
Depressed one sec.....
happy the other.....

Hell wen u dont know wat to expect from ur closest friends....
Wats there to think anymore...

I need a break seriously....

Cya when i'm in a better mood....
Or when this Chemical Locha passes.....

Sigh and u F***heads...
I don't want a jaddo ki jhapi or any such crap....

Thank u....
Come again...

A picture of you..........

An experiment....
A thought....
A dream....
A new poem...
Call it whatever you will....
But here it is...

A picture is All i have left,
And i bear it open for all to see........

____________________________________________________________________

A Picture....

When i look in the mirror,
All i can see is a picture,
When i look in my eyes,
All i can see is a picture......

A picture is all i have,
In my mind and in my soul,
A picture of you with me,
Is all thats left for me........

All alone i feel for the first time,
But i realize i always was lonely,
I was living putting all my happiness on a picture,
A picture of you beside me......

Nothing makes sense anymore,
I search for you everywhere i know,
But I know I won't find you,
All I'll ever have of you, is this picture......

Were those times real or a dream,
Did I really live them or did i imagine those fields,
I think i might have been crazy.....that time with you an illusion,
But then there is this picture, And it seems so real.....

Who are you? Where did you come from?
Why were you here? Why did u meet me?
Why did we spend time together? Why did we lie in each others arms under the sun?
If you were going to disappear? And all i have left is this picture.....

All i have left is a picture,
A picture is all i have,
A picture of her in my mind,
It wont leave me alone, It won't go away........

A picture of you in my arms,
A picture of you with me,
A picture of the queen of my Dreams,
The world thinks I'm crazy, but i know this picture is real....

Everywhere i look i see this picture,
A picture of you with me,
In this existence it's all i have left,
My life dedicated to a picture, A picture of you with me.....


- Aiman
___________________________________________________________

Jabse yeh Gaana....Mene din ko.......Sunaa re.......

Saawariya.......Oh ho oho.....
Saawariya.......Oh ho Oho.....
Saaaaaaawwaaaaaariyaaaaaa............


*Sigh*
Yes....
Now that the requisite groan at the start of every blog entry is out of the way.....
Though the groan might be caused by the horrifying music.....
Lets get down to business......


First up is change.....
No....Not the coins as in South Park Night of living Homeless....
Though if you do come across some change then....
"Change?"
..................................................................................................
*Ahem*
Yes...Back on track then.....
I remember myself a few months back.....
Lets make it about 6 months shall we........
There was once a time i ran from the limelight....
Where i was happier out of the attention....Didn't give a fig about politics or power......
(lol....Anyone who's been to high school will know what i'm talking about)
I was happy with my few friends.......No work!!!
And my heavenly headbanging collection of music.....

But now....
*Sigh*
Here I am Mr.Popular (not to blow my own horn....But yeah....)
Everyone knows me.....Everyone wants me to be with them.....
I'm considered the smartest guy in my batch.....
Which i might be......But....
Lol...
I mean....
They expect me to top????
I mean.... I don't study!!!
Hell....I never have......
And me top???
Sheesh!!!

Got so much responsibility....
But this all wouldn't be such a problem on its own.....


But coupled with the fact that well.....
It's all so different.....

Change...

Sigh...

From Hard Rock to Bollywood Pop...
I kid u not......I got a 2gb collection to argue with you....
This change in music may not be that important to some....
But to me..

Well yeah...
Its wat keeps me sane....Cools me down......
AND NOW...
It just seems so weird....

But u know....
u can't change them....
So u gotta join them.....
Plus chicks tend to dig a guy with 170 songs on his....
And well....
If 80 of those are Hindi.....
Nevermind......
In Rome... Do as the Romans do......
(Thats is if you want to do the Romans too...... ;) if u know at i mean......)

Well anyways....
I dunno wat else to whine about....
Lets headbang i guesss....
Chow....


Teri Aankhen Bhool Bhulaiya...
Bateen hai Bhool Bhulaiya.....
....................................................................................

My life..... At present.....

Ever heard Crazy Town's drowning....
It so aptly describes my state of mind...
Sigh.....


----------------------------------------------------------------------------


"Drowning"

Everything is so complex
Everyday is like a test full of obstacles
That seem almost impossible

And I’m thinking just another breath not a minute left.
How long have I been drifting?

Pass the glass pint hit the flash light now break it.
People say I’m a star but I still think ill never make it.

And I’m thinking just another prayer not a second left.
I feel there’s something missing

Sometimes I hate that chaos surrounds me when all the answers that I see go around me.
Am I drowning?
Am I fading away?
OR am I living up to all your dreams that made me this way?
Am I drowning?
Am I drowning?
Am I drowning?
Am I drowning?

I’ve been to hell and back looking for the answers to life.
Looking at myself trying to get things right.

And I’m feeling just another breath not a minute left.
I feel the darkness lifting.

There was a time
That I questioned if Id ever be alright.
Running getting high staying trapped by sleepless nights.

And I’m thinking just another breath not a minute left.
I feel there’s something missing.

I’m running from myself and all the things I don’t like.
Living every night like it’s the last night.

And I’m thinking just another prayer not a second left.
I need to stop resisting.

Sometimes I hate that chaos surrounds me when all the answers that I see go around me.
Am I drowning?
Am I fading away?
OR am I living up to all your dreams that made me this way?
Am I drowning?
Am I drowning?
Am I drowning?
Am I drowning?

Drowning in the drama lost in the lies trapped by the currents of life caught in the rip tides.

Drowning in the drama lost in the lies trapped by the currents of life caught in the rip tides.

Drowning in the drama lost in the lies trapped by the currents of life caught in the rip tides.

Drowning in the drama lost in the lies trapped by the currents of life

Am I drowning?
Am I drowning?
Am I drowning?
Am I drowning?

Sometimes I hate that chaos surrounds me when all the answers that I see go around me.
Am I drowning?
Am I fading away?
OR am I living up to all your dreams that made me this way?
Am I drowning?
Am I drowning?
Am I drowning?
Am I drowning?

Drowning in the drama lost in the lies trapped by the currents of life caught in the rip tides.

Drowning in the drama lost in the lies trapped by the currents of life caught in the rip tides.